Life is a complex adventure consisting of many different events and circumstances. From the mundane to extraordinary, our lives can take us on many different journeys. Some of these occasions can be planned out and others, sometimes the most wonderful paths and occurrences, are uncharted and happen by chance. An occurrence refers to something taking place or coming to pass. The word chance can be perceived many different ways. It has been defined as an unpredictable event, a favorable set of circumstances, luck, and an opportunity.
Jenifer and Chance Bailey
I have always been one to set goals, establish a plan to obtain my goal, and execute the plan for a desired outcome. This generally works out pretty well, but I was taught a lesson while dealing with health issues along with infertility, that not everything is in our control and sometimes we must learn acceptance of things that are not in our power, and to appreciate and recognize when wonderful occurrences by chance come along.
After a long period of inability to conceive another child, my doctor recommended a low risk invasive surgery, called laparoscopy. I ironically scheduled the surgery on my birthday. I was not nervous prior to the procedure, I was just anxious to know the results. Sadly, when I was in the recovery section of the hospital, my doctor advised that things were worse than anyone anticipated. He had performed some corrective procedures, but concluded that I would not be able to achieve another pregnancy.
I went home that day sore from the procedure and with a heavy heart and the burden of accepting that the child I had wanted for so long could not be. Most of what happened after making it home are hazy to me. It was as if I were in a dream watching the scenes instead of living them. I was only home for a few hours before being rushed back to the hospital. I was bleeding internally and had to undergo a second surgery. I will never forget being prepped for surgery and lying in the room you are put in while waiting to go back. I was all alone and it was so surreal and different than when I had surgery that morning. Before my first surgery it was a busy room lined with beds filled with other patients being prepped for their surgeries, nurses running around, and multiple machines beeping. My second surgery was the complete opposite. While the doctor was preparing for the surgery, I was in a dim room filled with empty beds, complete silence, and the overwhelming sense of not belonging there. I felt like an intruder, someone who was misplaced. I was too tired to be afraid and emotionally I was numb. The second surgery revealed that I had a bleeding disorder and because of the laparoscopy had almost bled out. The irony of the surgery being on the anniversary of my birth was that it was almost the date of my death. I received a total of three blood transfusions. I remember my husband having a serious conversation with me and him telling me that I had to receive the blood transfusions. I wanted to receive blood from my husband, but it was not allowed. The idea of having some unknown person’s blood going into my body really bothered me. I watched the bag of foreign blood that was connected to me and was repulsed at the dark red bag. While it was not something I favored, it was necessary to my survival and I am eternally grateful to whomever donated the blood that sustained me. To add to the seriousness of the situation, I contracted a dangerous infection that was resistant to antibiotics, diagnosed with asthma, and developed multiple blood clots. Thankfully, the antibiotics finally worked and after being on oxygen for days, I was well enough to be released from the hospital.
Through weeks of recovery and being homebound, I came to terms with the fact that I would not be able to have the child my heart longed for. I was determined not to stay in that dark place that infertility can lead you. I had been given a new lease on living and adjusted my perception regarding my life accordingly.
On my mission to create life, I almost lost my own. I was humbled by my painful journey and discovered a newfound appreciation for life and how fragile it can be. I personally understand how miserable issues regarding fertility are, and sympathize with anyone who has been affected by it. I also have compassion for hemophiliacs, and want to become an advocate for other people suffering from bleeding disorders. I will forever have a deep appreciation for anyone who donates blood.
I have learned that while things may not always go as expected, just when things seems hopeless, a miracle can present itself and bring with it more blessings that one could ever dream possible. Four months after my surgery, I discovered that I was pregnant. Nine months later I delivered a healthy boy, his name is Chance.